If you struggle to be comfortable in your identity as you change, these 3 important habits will help you. Learn how to accept yourself no matter what season you’re in with these practices taken from Alice in Wonderland.
Are you ever embarrassed about opinions you had when you were younger?
When I was a kid, I often wrote in a diary (like most kids had at one point or another).
I didn’t write in it often, but when I was upset or had an opinion to share, I would pull out the diary and make another entry.
Occasionally, I open up an old diary to read what a younger me had once struggled with.
Oftentimes, I’d discover that the problems and opinions I had then were very similar to the ones I have now.
Other times, however, I didn’t agree AT ALL with what I had once written.
Sometimes I would find my past entries comical, like the entry I wrote that expressed my anger at one of my friends for buying the same pair of boots that I got for my birthday.
Others, I was downright embarrassed about! I mean, I cringe at some of the opinions and beliefs I once held.
But the more I think of it, the more I realize that my opinions are changing on a minute-to-minute basis, and that is nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s a part of being human!
I find that the world can be a difficult place to live when you don’t know exactly who you are at any given time.
There are so many labels that people want us to have, so eager to categorize each person. If you don’t know where you fall on any level, it can be a confusing world to live in.
I’ve struggled with this myself in so many ways. But I’ve learned that it’s completely okay to not know who you are.
You can live your life without the labels and simply be comfortable in your changing identity at any moment.
Today, I want to share with you 3 simple habits I stole from Alice in Wonderland that help you feel more at ease with who you are.
4 Habits from Alice in Wonderland that will help you feel comfortable with your changing identity
Habit #1: Try to find moments where you contradict yourself and accept it
“I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then.”
Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
We might know who we are at one given moment, but as we interact with the world, our opinions and our identity are shaped bit by bit. We are constantly changing, and that’s the way it is supposed to be!
You don’t have to keep the same opinions you had in the past just to appear consistent to yourself or others.
In fact, if you change your opinion within the course of one conversation, that’s absolutely permissible!
Let yourself flip-flop between opinions. Allow yourself to explore new ideas and don’t feel bad when you don’t fully know who you are at any given time.
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Habit #2: Try to learn something new about yourself every day
“Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is, who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle!”
Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
I love the way Alice puts it when she considers her own identity.
Sure, you don’t really know who you are, but you can still be comfortable in your own skin regardless of that fact.
The mystery of our own identity is the greatest puzzle of all, and that can be exciting!
When you do a puzzle, do you get frustrated that it doesn’t come in the box already assembled?
Of course not! That would take away all of the fun!
It is oddly satisfying to take tiny pieces of coloured tiles and try to find a place for them on a board of other tiles.
We don’t buy puzzles because we want a complete picture; instead, we want the experience of putting all of the incohesive pieces together to create one big image at the end.
Why can’t we look at our own lives this way?
Enjoy the process of picking up the puzzle pieces of your own identity.
You don’t need to worry that you don’t have the completed picture in front of you, because the mystery is half the fun!
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Habit #3: Be aware that your opinions might change someday in the future, and be open to that.
“How puzzling all these changes are! I’m never sure what I’m going to be, from one minute to another!”
Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
When you are able to admit that opinions and personal identity changes every minute, it can make you a more open-minded person altogether.
You can be comfortable with your changing identity because you’ve finally given yourself permission to be open to these inevitable changes.
You will be more willing to hear another person’s opinion, more thoughtful in your interactions with other ideas, and more at ease with who you are and who you were.
Imagine if you were a student and you didn’t believe you would change at all.
Would you even bother trying to learn?
Of course not!
In the same way, when you fight change, you are stopping yourself from becoming a newer version of yourself.
The more open you can be to change, the more enjoyable the process can be as a whole.
Related Post: How to Share Your Opinion the Loving Way
Lesson #4: You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
“I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid- because I’m not myself, you see.”
Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
I was listening to the Minimalists podcast one day, and they gave an interesting piece of advice.
When people ask you “What do you do?” when they first meet you, answer with your hobbies instead of your profession.
For example, instead of saying, “I’m a teacher”, you might say, “I read a lot of books and I go out for coffee with close friends.”
Refusing a blanket statement like I am a teacher shows you and the person you’re talking to that your identity is not wrapped up in this statement.
There’s a lot more to you than just what you do for work, and sharing some of your actual interests will help show that.
Personally, I try not to say anything that starts with “I am a…”
I find that it is too general and puts you in a box that you don’t necessarily fit in.
I remember when I was at church one time, we were talking about how frustrating it can be to even say, “I am a Christian”. When people hear that, they make automatic assumptions, and it doesn’t require enough active thought on my part, either.
Instead, I like to say, “I believe that Jesus died for our sins so that we could live with him forever, and I live my life trying to get to know him better and live a life that honours him.”
Doesn’t that say so much more about my identity than trying to figure out what label I fall under?
So whenever you get the chance, try to explain yourself without using any labels or categories. Or just say what Alice said- that’s sure to get an interesting reaction!
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Next time you find yourself asking ‘who am I?’, remember this message.
Remember that you don’t need to know your identity fully. It is a mystery you get the pleasure of trying to solve.
You don’t need to feel bad for changing from one day to the next.
You will change and you will grow, and no one needs to apologize for that! Be who you are at that moment, simply and authentically.
How do you help yourself feel more comfortable in your identity as a person?
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