I don’t have to ask to know that you’ve had an opinion that didn’t match someone else’s before.

We all have.

It’s a big part of being human.

We’ve all grown up with different experiences and different perspectives, so it’s only natural that our thoughts won’t all be the same.

Now more than ever, there are so many ways to share those thoughts with other people, too. Sometimes that can be a good thing, but lately, it seems to be detrimental to our relationships. 

Left and right, it seems that people are arguing over differences of opinion. I’m sure you’ve found yourself a witness to arguments at least once in the past year.

How can our differences be a good thing when so many people are being divided by it? Families are falling apart, friends are losing touch, and entire nations are split in two. What can we do to resolve our differences? 

Disagreement is healthy, but we need to re-learn the art of civil discourse to handle it properly.  

We can’t solve the world’s problems, but we can do something about our own personal approach to bring more love to our own communities. Today I want to share with you six steps that will help you share your opinions with others in a way that can bring about discussion rather than dispute. 

Step #1: Search your own heart before analyzing someone else’s 

Nobody’s perfect, and you are no exception.

Knowing this, don’t be so quick to point out someone else’s flaws when you have some of your own that need to be dealt with. When you enter into a conversation with someone and you are already aware of your own faults, you will be less likely to act all ‘high-and-mighty’ about your own opinions. Humble yourself and be open to seeing your own faults.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part.

1 Corinthians 13:9 (NIV)

It is also important to recognize that you don’t know everything and that you could be the person who’s wrong. We all only have a small understanding of the world. What we say might be important, but we won’t ever have all the answers.

All throughout history we see this happening. People take actions based on what they believe to be right, but as humans grow and develop, we learn that some of our earlier beliefs were wrong. It’s important to get comfortable with the fact that you and your opinion will change over time. Let yourself admit this, and the way you share your opinion will change with it. 

Step #2: Use names instead of labels when you are sharing your opinion

When you are trying to work through differences with someone else, it will help you see them as a unique and valuable individual when you call them by name rather than by a category or a label.

When you put a label on a person, you are putting them in a box that is oversimplified and ignorant of their complexity. No one is just a ‘jock’ or a ‘genius’ or a ‘workaholic’. There is so much more to every person, and by only recognizing them by one label, you are refusing to see the real person.

Address them by their name to show respect and love. Show them that you are interested in hearing their thoughts and getting to know them better. 

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Step #3: Find the right time and place for your civil discourse

Sometimes you might be saying all the right things to another person, but if you are saying them at the wrong time or in the wrong place it is not going to feel loving to the person who is listening to you.

The main thing you need to do is to make sure that your conversation doesn’t become a public debate. Don’t discuss matters of disagreement in front of an audience. When you make a discussion public, it stops being about listening to the other person and it becomes more about ‘winning the fight’.

Instead, look for opportunities where you are alone in a comfortable place to discuss matters of opinion. When you approach disagreements in a quieter, more private place, you will both be more willing to listen to each other without feeling pressure to be aggressive in your stance.

Related Post: 31 Unique Christian Journal Prompts To Strengthen Your Faith 

Step #4: Get close and let yourself find common ground

When you share your opinion with another human being, it often feels like you both have nothing but differences between each other, but that is not true for any person. You can always find something you have in common. When you express your thoughts to them, it is crucial that you both find out what those commonalities are.

Make sure that your discussion recognizes that you are not disagreeing with them as a person, but just in this one area. This way, even if you don’t reach a conclusion, you can still show your love and respect for them as a person that you care for, regardless of their opinions in one area of life. 

Related Post: How To Talk To God: 9 Creative Approaches To Prayer

Step #5: Assume that they aren’t crazy

Seriously, it’s that simple.

What they are saying may sound crazy to you, but try to hear them out. If you can both listen to each other with respect, you might be able to understand a little better where they’re coming from. So before you go saying things like “How could you even think that?” or “It’s crazy that you do that”, assume that they have their own reasons for what they think.

I mean, someone out there probably thinks that you’re opinion is the crazy one, so don’t discount another person’s opinion without giving them the chance to discuss their thoughts with you.

Who knows? You might be surprised by how your own opinion will change! 

Step #6: Know when to tap out

Sometimes you do everything you can to arrange a reasonable and civilized environment to share your opinion, but the person you want to talk to simply won’t be reasonable.

You tried all the steps, but this person is clearly just there to fight without a desire to actually hear anything but their own voice.

In these situations, after you’ve exhausted all other options, it’s time to back off. Don’t let yourself be a part of an unreasonable argument. 

Want Some Quick Tips? 

In the middle of a conversation, it can be hard to remember all of these steps, so here are three more quick pieces of advice to help you consider when you should share your opinion and when it’s not the right time. 

Quick Tip #1: If you’re online, don’t pick a fight

As a general rule of thumb, I simply don’t engage in arguments and debates unless I am face-to-face with the other person. We are all too quick to make bold claims when we can say it to a screen instead of a face, and it can be so hard to hear the intent behind the words when we are only reading them on a screen. Reserve the harder conversations for physical meetings and save yourself a lot of trouble. 

Related: Setting Boundaries with your Phone

Quick Tip #2: Remember THINK

This is a common school trick to teach kids to think before they speak. Before they say something in class, they are supposed to ask themselves “Is it…” 

• …True? 
• …Helpful? 
• …Important? 
• …Necessary? 
• …Kind? 

If the opinion you want to share is not all of those things, then just don’t say it. 

Quick Tip #3: Ask yourself “Do I want to make a point or do I want to make a difference?” 

This doesn’t require a lot of explanation. At the end of the day, we all want to make a difference, and if you’re only sharing your opinion to have it heard and to make a statement, then you might want to take another look at where your intentions lie. 

Conclusion

I truly love that our world is filled to the brim with such unique individuals with amazingly different experiences and opinions. I value authenticity and dream of a world where people can say what they truly think without fear of people hating them for it.

It makes me sad to see so many people forced to hide their authentic selves because we are all so afraid of being labelled by those around us. If we could all learn to approach differences of opinion with love, patience, and appreciation for each other, we could start to give people a sense of safety that would allow for genuine civil discourse.

Though we can’t change the whole world, we can at least make sure that our personal actions are full of love and respect for each person and their unique opinions. 

What about you? 

Have you ever been afraid to share your opinion? Do you have any more suggestions to help us share our opinions in a loving way? Write them in the comments below! All opinions are welcome! 🙂