Discover 3 Reasons why you’re unhappy with your life and what you can do to change that. With these tips, you will be able to identify the problem and make changes to feel happier every day!
Do you ever wish your life was different?
Ever think that you would be so much happier if you could just have a little higher income or a little more recognition?
I certainly have.
A few years ago, you would’ve found me scrolling Facebook and Instagram, feeling upset that my life was not like my friends’ lives. I mean, they all look so happy and accomplished- why can’t I be like them?
But I did get out of that cycle of self-pity, and there were three changes that I made to get me there.
I’m going to share with you those three reasons why you’re unhappy and tell you how to fix them so that you can live a happier life, too!
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I like to imagine that there are a lot of different kinds of happiness.
There’s the kind of happiness where you feel peace, even in the midst of suffering.
Another form of happiness comes from prioritizing what you consider the most valuable things in life.
The happiness I want to talk about today is the kind that comes from developing authenticity.
Happiness can come from knowing that, no matter where you are in life right now, you feel good about who you are.
You are not masking your personality to be more acceptable to others, and you are not chasing after something just because society tells you it’s important.
Happiness can be found in authenticity, and today I want to share with you how you can achieve that happiness by becoming who you were made to be.
I will share with you 3 reasons why you’re unhappy and offer some actionable ways that you can reverse that.
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3 Reasons why you’re unhappy and how to fix it.
Reason #1: You’re comparing yourself with others
And really, who can blame you?
With all of the social media out there, it is next to impossible to simply notice the progress of our own lives anymore.
In Jane Austen novels, there is often a part in the story where the people living in the countryside are impatient to have someone from the bustling city of London come to visit because they are eager to learn about the new fashion trends and learn new dances that are in vogue.
In contrast, all we have to do nowadays is open up our phones to Tik Tok or Instagram to learn that kind of stuff, no matter where you live!
If you choose to, you can watch people from every walk of life living out an edited, happier version of their life on social media, and you are left wondering why your life isn’t as perfect as theirs.
We’re all playing the comparison game, and we’re all losing.
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Solution #1: Be aware that someone else’s success does not mean that you are failing.
Let me explain what I mean by this.
If any of you are familiar with the story of Sherlock Holmes, you will know that he is famous for his intelligence and skill in the field of detective work.
However, if you talked to Sherlock himself, he would tell you that, until he met other children outside of his family, he thought he was extremely unintelligent.
Do you know why?
It’s because his older brother, Mycroft, was always considered the smarter of the two of them.
If comparison can even make someone like Sherlock feel inadequate, where does that leave the rest of us?!
When we compare ourselves to others, we will be sure to feel like we are falling short.
Like my husband says, “There will always be a twelve-year-old child somewhere in the world who can do it better than you”.
It’s not your job to become the best at something- you just need to work on being better than you were yesterday.
Comparing yourself with others will get you nowhere, so just focus on being a better version of yourself every day.
Actionable Tips:
- Cut back on social media time. Consider even doing a digital detox to spend time away from the screens
- When you do use social media, remember that the perfect lives you see on the screen are not real; everyone has struggles, even if you can’t see them
- Make a list of things you feel you are good at. Be proud of those things, even though there are people in the world who can do those things better than you
- Practice cutting out comparison from your language and from your thoughts.
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Problem #2: You’re not being YOU
I was talking to a friend the other day who told me something interesting.
She said, “You know what? All these years I have been drinking black coffee, but just the other day I realized I don’t like black coffee at all!”
Years ago, someone else had told her with conviction that black coffee was the only way a real coffee drinker could appreciate coffee. She internalized it so deeply that she believed that she preferred coffee black.
Until this year, she was convinced that this was how she liked it- until she started questioning why she felt that way.
We all do this in some way or another.
Personally, I’ve been struggling with feeling like it’s okay to stop being a morning person.
Everyone always talks about how the most successful people get up at 5 in the morning, so when I started crafting my own schedule, I was determined that 5 in the morning would be my wake-up time.
I would feel tired and sick every time, but I refused to give up the persona of a ‘successful person’, so I fought through it.
Just recently, I decided it was time to consider the fact that maybe my body doesn’t function best this way. Now I’m experimenting with different hours of sleep to see what works best for me.
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Solution #2: Get to know who you are and aim to show that to others
The first thing you will need to do when learning how to live authentically will be to get to know who you are.
You will have to develop the skill to recognize when you are just echoing someone else’s opinion and when you have that opinion yourself.
Whenever you make a statement like “I like this” or “I don’t like this”, start asking yourself why.
Do you like the clothes you’re wearing because you like them, or is it because other people gave you a lot of compliments?
Do you like the music you’re listening to because it makes you feel happy or calm, or do you like it because it’s ‘trending’ right now?
I heard a cool quote a while ago, and it really stayed with me.
God’s not going to ask you why you weren’t more like Mother Teresa. He’s going to ask why you weren’t more like you.
Unknown
Whenever I’m feeling bad about how I am not as impressive as someone else, I go back to this quote. It reminds me that it’s not my job to be more like someone else.
I just need to be me.
And that’s my encouragement to you.
Try to discover your unique skills, abilities, and preferences. Then do what you can to make use of those unique things.
Don’t waste your time and energy trying to be someone you’re not.
Actionable Tips:
- Make a list of the things that make you unique. Find ways to live out those unique qualities in your daily life.
- When you voice your opinions, ask yourself why you hold those opinions. Be willing to change them if your only reason is that other people told you to feel that way.
- Celebrate other people’s unique traits. It will be a good reminder to you that everyone has something special to be proud of.
- Look for examples of people who are living authentically, and let them be an encouragement to you.
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Problem #3: You’re Chasing Someone Else’s Dream
This one ties in pretty close to the second problem I mentioned but on a larger scale.
In the same way that we don’t live authentically in the day-to-day, we might also be caught chasing bigger goals that aren’t authentically ours, to begin with.
For example, I grew up wanting to be a teacher.
As a kid, that was the first thing I said I wanted to be, and I just never changed my mind.
I got used to people saying things that confirmed my dream. “You dress like a teacher.” “You write like a teacher.” “You talk like a teacher.”
But when I actually started teaching, I felt confused.
I thought I would enjoy myself more, but I just found myself alternating between extreme stress and boredom.
It was hard to understand why I wasn’t happy.
I mean, I was working my dream job!
But then I started wondering if this was my dream job.
I thought back to my time teaching. Not a single one of my favourite memories came from teaching.
The year that I remember as one of the best years of my life was the only year that I did nothing in the classroom.
I started realizing that I only liked the respect that came with teaching. It was clear that I needed to rethink what truly brings me happiness in my work.
I do think that, for a long time, this truly was my dream, but as I have grown and changed, that dream changed with me.
So many of us chase a dream passionately for years, only to discover that it was never what we wanted in the first place.
Even when we achieve that dream, we won’t find happiness there, because it wasn’t what we wanted in our hearts.
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Solution #3: Determine What Your Dream Is
This solution will require a lot of reflection, but it is definitely worth it!
You will find greater happiness when you fully believe in the dream you’re chasing. Don’t let someone else tell you what your dream should be.
To harness the art of joyful living, determine what you want and what you value, and go after that! Don’t just follow what other people expect of you.
Your life is between you and God; you don’t need to apologize to anyone else.
Actionable Tips:
- Reflect on your past jobs and experiences. What things did you truly love to do? What things did you enjoy? Determine what things brought you joy and think of a job that lets you do those things regularly
- Consider your current dream, and ask yourself why you have that dream. Chances are, if you can answer that question, then you are on the right track!
- Be comfortable with change. Just because you wanted something five years ago doesn’t mean you always have to want it. Humans change, and you can, too!
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When you are able to live your life authentically, you will be able to harness the art of joyful living and feel happier no matter what situation you are in. These three reasons why you’re unhappy will stop you from reaching that point.
So remember to take the time to think about what you value and what you love, and chase after those things.
Stop comparing yourself to other people and start living your own life unapologetically.
Try to be as authentic as possible, and you will begin to see a change in your own happiness.
Do you see value in learning how to live authentically? How do you figure out what you love?
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