Learn about social self-care and get tips on how to connect with someone on a deeper level so that you can meet your social needs.
I am an introvert at heart.
I love people but I definitely need a lot of time alone to rest and recharge after a social event.
Growing up as an introvert, I always felt like my self-care activities should be done alone. I have since learned the value of involving people in some of those self-care activities.
For introverts and extroverts alike, it is important to fit a healthy balance of social and solitary activities into your self-care routine.
No matter what your social preferences are, the need for human connection and the need for quiet reflection are both equally important.
Today, I want to share with you some tips on how to practice social self-care in a healthy way and give you some activities that you can add to your self-care routine.
When you balance social self-care with the five other types of self-care, you will be sure to feel even more fulfilled by the time you spent.
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How do you take care of your social self?
One important thing to recognize is that social self-care is going to look very different for each person.
We all have social preferences in regards to how often we like to spend time with other people and what sort of social activities we like to get involved in.
To take care of your social self, you are going to need to know a lot about your own personal preferences.
You will need to know what best fills your social metre.
Parties and lively gatherings might make one person happy while a movie night with a couple of friends might be what someone else prefers.
Once you know what you prefer, honour those preferences and do what you can to incorporate those activities into your social self-care routine.
Likewise, learn more about the social events that you don’t like as much and do what you can (within reason) to avoid those activities.
Introverts and extroverts both need social connections but the types of interactions you prefer will likely be different.
To best take care of your social self, you will need to learn what those preferences are and do what you can to incorporate that knowledge into your daily life.
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Why is social self-care important?
No matter who you are and what your social preferences are, you still need human interaction.
It may not be frequent and it may not be grand, but you absolutely need to connect with other people in this life.
Here are 10 serious benefits of connecting with others:
- Your happiness receives a boost
- Stress levels in your body lessen and improve
- It promotes your overall health
- Your lifestyle behaviours will be more likely to become healthier
- You will experience higher self-esteem and struggle less with insecurity
- It will give you a deeper sense of purpose and belonging
- You will likely see more personal development and growth in your life
- Trying times in life will be more manageable because you already have a support system
- Your cognitive health may experience a boost
- You will be able to bounce back from illness much faster
It is important to note that these benefits are contingent upon the fact that you have the right kind of social interactions.
Interacting on social media does not count as quality social self-care. These benefits are not accessible when interacting with toxic friends, as well.
You can experience the benefits of connecting with others when you spend high-quality time with friends, ideally face-to-face.
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Tips for proper social self-care
There are four important factors that you need to consider when implementing your social self-care. These considerations will help you make the most of your time with others so that this form of self-care can help you instead of harming you.
1. Know your boundaries and work hard to keep them
It is extremely important to recognize that each person is unique when it comes to their social needs.
There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to social self-care.
In fact, if you try to use someone else’s life as a template for your own social interactions, you will likely end up feeling lonely and burnt-out.
We don’t want that.
You will need to listen to what your heart is telling you and try your best to figure out what sort of social interactions you need to be happy.
Ask yourself these questions to help you figure it out:
- In an average week, how much time do I feel comfortable being around people? How much time do I need by myself?
- When I spend time with other people, do I prefer being in a big group, a small group, or one-on-one?
- What activities do I find more enjoyable to do with other people? What activities do I dislike doing with other people?
- How do I know when I need more social interaction or when I have had too much social interaction?
- Are there certain people I want to see more of or people I don’t like to see anymore?
Once you’ve determined a few more details about your social preferences, it is important to do what you can to accommodate them.
Of course, there are times when there isn’t much you can do about your schedule. But when it is within your power to create a social agenda that makes you happiest, go for it!
Say no to things you don’t want to do and seek out opportunities to engage in the social activities you enjoy.
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2. Understand that quality is more important than quantity
It is safe to say that some people will require a wider variety of friends than others.
Some people prefer to stay friends with lots of people while others prefer to have just a handful of friends to keep in touch with.
Whatever your preference is, however, this rule remains the same:
It matters most that you have high-quality friendships, not high quantities of friends.
If you happen to have 20 truly solid friends that make you happy and improve your life, then don’t feel like quantity is a bad thing.
But if 15 out of those 20 friends make you feel bad all the time and create unnecessary drama in your life, then you need to rethink whether or not those friends are worth it.
One incredible friendship is better than 50 terrible ones.
Don’t waste your time on people who don’t make you feel good.
And when you choose to spend time with the people you still want in your life, make sure you are fully present.
Don’t assume that being around someone else is enough to sustain you.
It is important to take the time to listen and to make deeper connections with the people you’ve chosen to keep in your life.
If you end up spending the whole time on your phone and don’t actually engage with the person in front of you, you won’t experience the true benefits of connecting with others.
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3. Pets and plants can’t replace human interaction but they are a good supplement
As humans, we need other humans.
There is no doubt about that.
But this fact does not mean that we can’t get some level of social satisfaction from other living things.
Interacting with any living thing can contribute to good social self-care.
Taking care of plants, babysitting, feeding birds, or getting a pet to adore can all be great ways to supplement your social self-care.
Owning a pet, in particular, has quite a few similar benefits to connecting with other humans.
They are good for your psychological well-being, your overall health, and can even encourage better sleep and more physical activity.
If you are spending enough time with people but you still feel like something is missing from your life, a pet might be just what you need to supplement your social self-care quota!
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4. Don’t underestimate the power of physical touch
Another important aspect of social self-care is physical touch. Humans truly aren’t built to go without it.
I’m not necessarily talking about intimate touch here, either.
Physical touch is meant to refer to absolutely any sort of physical connection, whether platonic or romantic.
In all of the activities suggested, it is a good idea to try to incorporate some level of physical touch, as well.
This might mean giving a hug or a pat on the back.
It could be something as simple as a handshake but could also involve hand-holding.
Even going to a massage therapist and receiving therapeutic touch from a stranger can be helpful. Keep this in mind when you plan out your social self-care routine.
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15 activities you can do for social self-care
If you are looking for ideas on how to feel less lonely and how to connect with someone on a deeper level, these activities can help! Take a look at the list and decide which ones sound appealing to you!
1. Call a friend or family member
If your situation does not allow you to physically meet with someone else, a simple phone call can still do a lot for your social needs.
You can set up a voice call or a video call to connect with someone else and engage in some stimulating conversation.
And who knows? Perhaps that conversation will lead to plans to meet up in person at a later time!
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2. Go for a walk with someone
Walking is already so good for your mental and physical health. When you add a friend to the mix, you can enjoy it even more.
Walking can even help you form deeper connections with the person you share that walk with.
People tend to share their lives more openly when they are conversing outside and can make both parties feel more comfortable with each other.
Overall, it’s a great way to stay healthy and to form deeper connections with loved ones.
Related Post: 9 Simple Habits to Help You Walk More and Improve Your Health
3. Join a group online (but be wary of social media)
As a whole, I tend to be cautious of spending too much time on social media because it breeds discontent.
However, there are times when the online community can be useful.
The trick is to find like-minded people that you can truly connect with rather than just scrolling through your social media.
Find a group online that is centred around something specific- it could be a hobby you all have in common, a belief system you are all exploring, or even a form of entertainment you all like to discuss.
Make sure that this group is not about comparing your lives to one another and is instead about connecting with the people in the group and forging real friendships.
Want a place to connect with me? Join my YouTube community!
4. Join a club
Much like joining an online group, the benefit of this activity is that you will easily forge friendships with people who already have something in common with you.
There are so many options when it comes to clubs that you can join!
Here is a list of clubs that you can join for social self-care:
- Crafting Clubs: knitting, sewing, art, pottery, woodworking
- Book Clubs: creative writing, reading clubs, poetry clubs
- Athletic Clubs: dance classes, gym memberships, running groups
- Church Clubs: book studies, reflection groups, support groups
- Academic Clubs: music appreciation groups, language acquisition clubs, university classes
One of my favourite things about this option is that, not only are you making deeper connections with the people around you, but you are also doing an activity for personal development. It’s a win-win!
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5. Go through the process of finding and giving a gift
Though you may not actually spend a lot of time in the physical presence of other people for this activity, it is a nice one that opens you up to connection.
Spending time to think about someone else and what might make that person happy is a great way to implement social self-care.
It is an activity that takes you out of your own head and has you thinking about someone else.
Plus, once you find the perfect gift, it can be a special bonding moment when you finally give it to the person you were thinking of.
If you want to make this an even more social event, you could consider treating your loved one to an experience that you share together.
Perhaps you could take them out to coffee or dinner, or maybe you pay for their ticket to a show. This is another great way to make deeper connections with someone you love and to practice social self-care.
Want gift ideas? Check out these posts: An Easy Gift Guide For Aspiring Minimalists /// The Ultimate Book Gift Guide for Every Reader You Know
6. Do something nice for someone else
This is another activity that may not actually involve a lot of face-to-face contact but is quite valuable as a form of connection.
Instead of buying something nice for another person, it can be an extremely fulfilling social experience to do something nice for that person, instead.
You could shovel snow from their front yard in the winter or bake cookies for them. Or you could help carry their groceries or take their dog for a walk.
Though these interactions don’t involve a lot of conversation, they definitely help you to connect with someone on a deeper level in a short amount of time.
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7. Work with a charity
There are a lot of reasons to choose this option for social self-care.
Firstly, working with a charity will remind you to be thankful for what you have in your own life. It will give you a better perspective in general.
Secondly, you will be helping a group of people who truly need the support. There is definitely something satisfying about feeling like you are contributing to your entire community and not just your immediate social group.
Thirdly, you will likely meet other people who are volunteering that you will get along with. Many times, the people you volunteer with end up becoming good friends.
The other benefit to this social self-care activity is that it can be as high-energy or low-energy as you want it to be.
If you prefer a quieter atmosphere that involves less direct social interaction, you could volunteer for positions that happen behind the scenes.
Likewise, if you prefer more upfront social interaction, you could volunteer for serving positions where you are more up-close and personal with the people you are helping.
There is something for everyone!
8. Spend time in public places
This is another great social self-care activity that is suitable for all types of personal preferences.
If you are someone who prefers to be around people without having to contribute to the conversation, simply being in a public place might be enough social interaction for one day.
People-watching can be a great way to feel like you are connecting with others without actually going out to a social event.
For other people who prefer to be a bit more involved in their social interactions, spending time in public places opens you up for spontaneous connections.
You’d be surprised by how many people are open to conversation if you show any interest in connecting with them.
Some places that I’ve found people to be particularly open to a conversation are in dog parks, amusement parks, bus rides, and waiting in line for coffee.
They are all places where people aren’t in a rush and are happy to have some company.
9. Keep an eye out for strangers you run into regularly and start a conversation
I’ll be honest, this one is out of most people’s comfort zones but it really is an effective way to make a friend. I’ve done it hundreds of times and have yet to have a bad experience.
If you are running into a stranger regularly, chances are it’s because you have something in common with them.
Maybe you live in the same area or work in nearby buildings. Perhaps you both like the same coffee shop or attend the same school or church.
Whatever reason it is, there is something that the two of you have in common that is causing you to run into each other often.
And chances are, they have noticed you, too.
If you get to a point where this person is starting to look really familiar, you can start small.
A simple nod in their direction might suffice.
As time goes on, you can do a little more, like say a small greeting or wave when you see them.
And when you’re comfortable, you can introduce yourself and see where the conversation goes.
Personally, I usually skip all of the small steps.
If I start recognizing the stranger, I usually go right up to them and say, “Hey, I see you all the time. Why is that?” More often than not, the stranger was just as curious to meet me!
Another time that I’d highly recommend you go introduce yourself to a stranger is when you see someone that is loudly flaunting an interest or hobby that you also enjoy.
For example, when I see people with anime apparel or a shirt from a band I love, I don’t hesitate to connect with them.
I mean, they already gave you the perfect conversation starter by wearing their interests so loudly. Chances are that the conversation will go well since you already have something in common.
I know this social self-care activity might be a little out of your comfort zone, but seriously, it’s worth trying at least once in your life.
10. Start a Twitch channel or live stream on Youtube or Tik Tok
This is another activity that might feel a little uncomfortable at first but is so much fun once you get the hang of it.
Hosting your own streaming events is a great way to connect with like-minded people on your own terms. The people who connect in the live chat are mainly there to connect with you because they are directly interested in what you’re doing.
It is more often than not a fulfilling experience for everyone involved.
Personally, I like to host live streams on Twitch.
I like to play video games and have found that I prefer to play when other people are getting involved with me. It takes an otherwise solitary activity and turns it into a fun social event.
And the best part is that it is a social event that I can control!
I get to choose the environment and the activity and I can leave when I’ve had enough.
In a strange way, I find that live streaming can be especially nice for introverted personalities, though I’m sure it has its benefits for extroverts, too!
Check out my Twitch channel if you’re curious about what I do!
11. Be alone together with someone
If you are someone who doesn’t have a lot of social energy to spare, this can be a great way to forge deeper connections without needing to directly engage with the person present.
Spend time in companionable silence with someone you love.
This means that you are doing an activity alongside someone else but you are not engaging in the same activity.
In elementary school, this was commonly known as parallel play and was an important part of a young child’s development. Once in university, this often meant studying in the same room as your friends. In adult years, it probably involves doing a quiet activity in the same room as your spouse or roommate.
This activity doesn’t require much social energy at all.
However, it is a great way to fill up your social meter without needing to get too engaged.
12. Go to a public event
Much like joining a club, a public event is a good place for you to find people who share your interests.
It could be a charity event, a fair, a marathon, or a concert. The list of options is endless!
In all of these cases, people are often quite eager to connect with other people in attendance. It’s a great way to make connections with others.
You could also attend the event with a friend or a group of friends. This is another social self-care activity that has great options for all types of social preferences.
13. Write a letter to someone
For some people, this social self-care activity is not going to feel social enough because you are in no way meeting face-to-face with another person.
However, if you are looking to form a deeper connection with someone else, this really is a good way to go about it.
Writing letters really forces you to talk about the deeper topics in your life rather than just covering small talk.
You will find that you are more open with your life because you have the time to craft your words the way you want to.
Additionally, if you enjoy writing on a personal level, this is a great way to express that form of art.
14. Host a game night
Playing games with friends is one of my personal favourite social self-care activities. There is something so comforting about gathering together over a board game, enjoying snacks and good company.
If you are someone who enjoys a good game night, this is a fantastic way to meet your social needs.
It doesn’t take much planning and it’s a good way to entertain a large group of people without much stress.
15. Care for another living thing
Like I mentioned before, pets and plants can’t replace human interaction but they can certainly supplement it.
Spend time caring for something living.
Water and prune your plants, take your dog for a walk, groom your cat, or just cuddle with a pet.
All of these things are great ways to connect with another living being and to feel socially satisfied.
If you don’t have a pet of your own, going to your local dog park might be a good quick fix. There will be plenty of friendly dogs that are happy to receive some love!
How to feel less lonely
Unfortunately, social self-care is not always straightforward.
You might be getting lots of opportunities to interact with people you care about and still feel lonely at the end of the day.
This problem is a lot more complex than we’d like it to be and I can’t pretend to have all the answers to solve this issue. It might require a professional therapist to help you look deep into the heart of the problem to find a solution (an option I would highly recommend).
However, I can offer a few possible stepping stones to get you started.
Consider the people you are spending your time with
It is possible that you are feeling lonely because, even though you are spending time with a lot of people, you don’t actually feel like you are connecting with them.
Maybe you feel like you don’t have enough in common or like they don’t really listen to you.
If this is the case, it might be time to move on to more fulfilling friendships.
Consider the activities you are doing with others
If you have been spending lots of time with people you like but still don’t know how to feel less lonely, perhaps it is a matter of what you are doing with those people.
Are you always going to the movies when you wish you were just chatting at a coffee shop? Do you go shopping at a mall when you would rather go to a thrift store?
If you are with people you like but you are not doing activities you like, think about talking to your friends about it.
Ask if you can choose the activity next time you hang out and take turns going to places each person prefers. This might be all you need!
Think about what might be missing that you need to find in someone else
If you reflect on your social life and find that you don’t see any problems with your friends or the activities you do with them, it might be that there is a certain aspect of social interaction that is missing from your life that you need to add to your current situation.
Perhaps you feel like you are missing a deeper connection with one person like a best friend, a childhood friend, or a romantic partner.
Or maybe you want someone to take care of, like a pet, a plant, or a child.
It could simply be that you’re really into a particular hobby that no one else you know is into and you want to talk about it with someone.
For me, my general needs involve one friend with whom I can have philosophical conversations, one friend who I can be myself around, and one living thing to care for. At every point in my life, it was important to have these three things and without them, I often felt lonely.
Some of these things are easier to find than others, however.
A plant and a pet are easy to buy. If you’re not ready to have a child of your own, offering to babysit is a great option.
However, sometimes finding that niche friend or a romantic partner can be hard.
In those cases, you will have to be patient and do your best to work with what you have.
This might mean connecting to online communities until you can find someone who is physically close to replacing that or perhaps trying to meet new people in your daily life.
Unfortunately, there is no quick fix for this issue and you might just have to let yourself feel lonely for the time being.
But you can be confident that your season of loneliness won’t last forever. You will find the right people in time!
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How to connect with someone on a deeper level
I have one sole piece of advice here.
I can tell you right now that if you don’t follow this one crucial thing, you will not be able to form deeper connections than you already have.
It’s not about spending more time with someone.
The difference isn’t found in what you do, either.
The best way to connect with someone on a deeper level is simply to listen.
And I don’t mean simply hearing them. I’m talking about undivided, non-judgmental attention.
The absolute best thing you can do to deepen any relationship is to let them know that you are available to them in the most genuine way possible.
Listen to what they have to say and engage in the conversation. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
When you finally start to do that and your friend does the same in return, you will find yourselves making deeper connections much faster than before.
There are so many benefits of connecting with others. Whether you consider yourself a social butterfly or a bit of a hermit, this fact remains the same- we need each other.
Next time you consider your self-care routine, remember to include social self-care in that plan. It is necessary in order to feel balanced, so don’t ignore it.
What activities do you like to do for social self-care?
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