These 19 habits can help you learn how to let go of the past and be happy with the life you have. Discover simple things that you can do to let go of the past and move forward in your life.
I recently read a book called The Little Paris Bookshop and it was all about a man who had lost his greatest love thirty years ago and was still unable to move forward with his life.
Eventually, he decides to journey out on his boat for an adventure that will help him let go of his grief and finally move on with his life.
It is such a heartwarming story and one that I feel can resonate with anyone.
I mean, who hasn’t had something happen in their past that they struggle to let go of?
We’ve all been there.
I’m mentioning this book is because it has a lot of beautiful suggestions for how to let go of the past.
I will be sharing 7 of these suggestions with you today. In addition, I’ve got 12 more habits that I personally find helpful.
Why holding on to the past is bad
If you’ve ever had a pet before, this scene might sound familiar to you:
When dogs grab something that you don’t want them to have, it can be really hard to grab it back from them. They will hold on as tightly as they can while you try to pull the item away from them.
It’s not until you offer them something better that they have to decide for themselves to let go of the thing in their mouth in order to grab the thing they want more.
If they can’t let go of the thing they have, they can’t grab the thing they want.
We are like that as humans, too.
When we hold on to the past, we have no room left to hold on to the future.
Just like the dog that needed to let go of what it had in order to grab what it wanted, we have to let go of the past in order to grab hold of our future.
We don’t have to forget our past entirely but it is important that we don’t hold onto it so tightly that we can’t accept the new experiences that the future holds for us.
Related Post: 5 Unique Ways to Stop Feeling Stuck and Transform Your Life
Why is it so hard to let go of the past?
We might all know deep down that it is important to let go of the past in order to move forward in life.
Why, then, is it so hard for us to actually do it?
The most widely understood reason why it is so hard to let go of the past is that we are actually unhappy with our present situation.
Instead of accepting what happened in the past and moving forward, we refuse to let it go.
Letting go of our past means letting go of a piece of ourselves and that is a painful thing to do.
It means letting go of control and accepting where we are in life.
If we don’t like where we are, it’s easier to hold on to the past and spend our time wishing things had turned out differently instead of moving forward.
Like the dog in the previous scenario, we want to keep holding on to that item until something better comes along for us to grab onto.
Related Post: How to Find Hope and Growth in Seasons of Pain
19 Daily Habits to help you let go of the past and be happy with the life you have
I’ve got 19 habits that you can incorporate into your daily life to start to heal from the past and move on with your life.
The first seven habits I’m about to share inspired by my reading of The Little Paris Bookshop.
Habit #1: Read books
“Books, the only remedy for countless, undefined afflictions of the soul.”
-Nina George
The man in The Little Paris Bookshop calls himself a ‘literary apothecary’, meaning that he recommends books to people according to what they are struggling with in life.
He believes that there is always a book that can heal you from past pains and makes it his job to prescribe those books to people who visit his shop.
I agree with the sentiment in this book.
I believe that reading stories of people who are dealing with the same problems as we are can be a great way to heal our past and move forward with our lives.
If fiction books aren’t your thing, it could also be helpful to turn to some helpful psychology books that could help direct you as you grieve your past.
Related Page: The Ultimate Book Gift Guide for Every Reader You Know
Habit #2: Take a break from the regular routine once in a while
Trust me, I am a huge fan of routines.
I love the familiarity of doing the same actions day in and day out.
I love the cycle of life that is portrayed through those routines.
But when we find ourselves holding on to our past in unhealthy ways, sticking to the same old routine is not going to help us break free.
In The Little Paris Bookshop, the main character follows the same old routine for decades, always ruminating on his past pain.
To heal his own emotional wounds, he eventually decides to close up his bookshop and float down the rivers of France until he reaches a breakthrough in his own mindset.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you throw caution to the wind and embark on some travel adventure until you feel better but it definitely doesn’t hurt to find little ways to switch up your daily routine.
It might be just what you need to start letting go of the past and move forward!
Besides, a little vacation never hurt anyone, right?
Related Post: A Simple Morning Routine When You’re Not at Your Best
Habit #3: Connect with Nature
No one really knows why nature is such a healing presence in our lives but there have been plenty of studies that show how nature can help you heal your anger, stress, and fear.
Engaging with nature and spending time in it is a great way to help you cope with grief and let go of the past.
In The Little Paris Bookshop, most of the book happens amongst nature.
The main character spends most of his time floating down rivers, swimming in oceans, and enjoying the countryside of France.
Though you might not have the freedom to spend all your time bathing in nature, there are many simple activities you can try to engage more with nature:
- Go for walks outside
- Take care of indoor plants or a garden
- Go swimming
- Eat delicious plant-based meals
- Eat outside when possible
- Open up your windows more often
- Try to let more sunlight into your home
Habit #4: Make new experiences
“If I can get through today, I can get through the rest of my days too.”
-Nina George
When we hold on to our past pain, we are stopping ourselves from being open to new experiences.
Ironically, those new experiences are exactly what could help us let go of the past!
In The Little Paris Bookshop, the main character starts to experience new foods, try new activities, and meet new people.
The more he does this, the more encouraged he feels.
He starts to realize that his life didn’t end with his tragedy- he still has so much more of a life to live!
When you start inviting new experiences into your life, you will begin to understand that the past you are holding on to is not the end of your life. You have so much more to experience!
Related Post: 3 Simple Steps to Discover Your Purpose in Life
Habit #5: Talk about your pain
“Difficult thoughts lost their poison when spoken aloud.”
-Nina George
Okay, I’m not saying you should be a constant cloud of gloom to all of your friends and family but it definitely doesn’t hurt to be open and honest about your past.
If there is something from your past that you’re still holding on to, you are giving it too much power by remaining silent about it.
It can help you release any pent-up feelings that you may have been holding onto all this time and it might be exactly what you need in order to move on.
Related Post: 225 Encouraging Quotes to Make you Feel Inspired Today
Habit #6: Cry about it
“Sometimes you’re swimming in unwept tears and you’ll go under if you store them up inside.”
-Nina George
I’ve been learning a lot lately about how our physical body (primarily our muscles and fascia) actually stores our emotional energy.
If you never let out that emotional energy physically, it will be especially hard to release those feelings mentally.
For example, if you experienced loss in your family but never cried about it, some of that emotional energy will remain trapped in your body until you finally do allow a physical outlet for it.
(Learn more about the concept of Tissue Memory here)
For this reason, it is important to let yourself cry about past pain.
It is your body’s way of releasing some of that negative emotional energy and can really help you let go of some of the pain you’re holding on to.
Habit #7: Try to maintain a healthy lifestyle
Your body is going to have a much easier time recovering mentally if it is at the top of its game physically.
So if you feel like being a couch potato and crying over a tub of ice cream is going to solve all of your problems, think again.
Instead of resorting to comfort foods, opt for healthier things that will help your body feel good.
I’ve talked before about how the way we treat our body is important for our mental health and it’s no different here.
Do things that keep your body and your brain feeling good so that you don’t have to fight bad physical health on top of mental health.
In The Little Paris Bookshop, this was the last step of the journey to healing for the main character.
It says, “Perdu cooked, swam, drank very little, kept a regular sleep routine and met up with the other boules players every day.”
This healthy daily routine was the final action that led to his full recovery.
If you maintain a healthy lifestyle and continue to welcome new experiences into your life, time will eventually heal your pain and you will be happier for it!
Related Posts: How to Practice Mindful Eating and Actually Enjoy Your Food /// 30 Helpful Strategies to Sleep Better at Night
Those are all of the habits that are recommended by the author of The Little Paris Bookshop but I’ve got a few more for you to try out, as well!
If you want to check out this book for yourself, you can buy it with the link provided:
Now, let’s continue with our habits to help you let go of the past.
Habit #8: Meditate regularly or try yoga
Meditation is a great way to practice the art of letting go as that is pretty much the entire point of meditating!
The basic practice of meditation is simply to observe your thoughts as they come and go and not to hold on to anything in particular.
You are supposed to be aware of your thoughts without becoming attached to them.
This is a great skill to develop as it will help you also observe your past without feeling emotionally attached to it.
Yoga is another great way to develop the skill of experiencing adversity without getting overwhelmed.
It provides a good lesson in understanding that everything in life passes, including the bad stuff.
Depending on the yoga you do, it can also be useful in physically releasing some of the pent-up emotions in your body.
Habit #9: Try using a Buddha board or drawing with chalk outside
There was one day in the summer a few years back that I remember very clearly.
For some reason, I had gotten the urge to draw zentangles on the sidewalk. I grabbed some chalk and started drawing all over the sidewalk.
It took me hours to do but when it was done, I was so proud of my work.
A short while later that day, a huge rainstorm hit and I watched as all of my hard work was washed away.
By the end of the storm, I had nothing left of my work.
I thought I would feel upset but it was oddly therapeutic instead.
Seeing all of my hard work disappear in an instant reminded me that life is just as fleeting.
It’s not the completed products of my life that matter; it’s the journey and the process that make the biggest difference.
Doing something that won’t be permanent is a good reminder of the impermanence of all things on earth.
Being aware of this will make you more comfortable with letting go of the past and coming to terms with things that have been lost.
A Buddha board is simply a board that you paint on with water. It will look beautiful for a moment and then the image you created will disappear.
And just like my chalk experience, it is extremely therapeutic.
If you want to grab your own Buddha board, you can click the link below:
Reusable Buddha Board Artist Board Paint£¨20*15cm£©
Habit #10: Practice mindfulness
One of the best ways to let go of the past and move forward is to get involved in the present.
Practicing mindfulness is a great way to do that, as it encourages you to pay attention to the present moment instead of getting distracted by the past or the future.
If you can’t manage an entire day of mindfulness (because seriously, who can?) then I would recommend setting aside small moments in your day to try it out.
Try to practice mindfulness when you are on a coffee break or when you are enjoying a quiet walk outside.
These moments will help to pull you into the present moment and make it easier for you to finally let go of the past you’re holding on to.
Related Post: How to Live in the Moment with Anxiety: 9 Habits
Habit #11: Practice positive thinking
Like I said at the beginning, we often hold on to the past because we are unhappy with our present situation.
The solution to this problem may require actions to help improve your life but it can also be a simple matter of encouraging positivity and gratitude.
There are a lot of ways you can practice positive thinking. Here are some ideas:
- Watch uplifting videos
- Listen to positive podcasts
- Spend time with friends and family that make you feel positive
- Keep a gratitude journal
- Verbally thank people for small things they do for you
- Enjoy the simple pleasures of life
Related Post: Morning Brainwash Routine: How to Start your Day Right
Habit #12: Talk to a therapist or support group
“Everybody has an inner room where demons lurk. Only when we open it and face up to it are we free.”
-Nina George
Depending on how traumatic your past was, it might not be something that you can let go of on your own.
If you feel like you’ve tried everything or you simply wish you had more guidance, a therapist or a support group might be just what you need!
Habit #13: Practice journaling
If you don’t feel like you want to talk to someone else but you still need a space to let out your thoughts and explore your emotions, a private journal might be a perfect fit.
It will give you the opportunity to write out how you’re feeling and work through all of your pain points over time.
Related Post: Morning Pages: How to Clear Your Mind for a Better Day
Habit #14: Get involved in charity
Aside from the fact that getting involved in charity is just a great thing to do in general, it really can do amazing things for people who need healing themselves.
Working in a charity and actively doing something to help other people makes it easier to get out of your own head and give yourself a fresh perspective on your life.
You will find that the more you focus on giving to others, the less you will think about holding on to the past.
I would like to pair this suggestion with a warning, however.
Don’t get so involved with a charity that you don’t ever have time for yourself or you will end up with a whole new problem of simply ignoring your own life.
Keep a healthy balance of charity so that you still have time and energy to address your own problems.
Check out ideas from another site: 65 Volunteer Opportunities and Ideas
Habit #15: Get involved in a passion project
Working towards something you’re passionate about is a great way to move forward in life and let go of the past.
Instead of spending all of your time running through your past, you will be thinking about what you want to do in the future.
Simply pick a hobby or skill that you’re interested in and aim to involve yourself in that passion regularly.
Related Post: 3 Reasons Why You’re Unhappy and How to Fix it
Habit #16: Get rid of unhealthy reminders of your past
It’s definitely not always necessary to get rid of old mementos, but when those souvenirs of your past cause you to trip up and fall back into negative patterns, it’s time to toss it.
When you look at the things you own, you should always feel positive about them.
If something in your home is making you feel upset, negative, or self-conscious, don’t hesitate to get rid of it.
Related Post: How to Simplify Your Life with the 80/20 Rule
Habit #17: Notice the valuable things you learned from your past
I don’t know about you but I find that the biggest issue I have with feeling stuck in the past is that I feel that I wasted too much time dealing with that problem.
It feels like a waste because I fail to see how I developed at all as a person in that time.
But the truth is, you are always learning and growing, no matter how good or bad your experiences are.
It can be a healthy practice to take a look at your past experiences and make a list of the things you learned from that experience that you can use now to improve your life.
Not only does it help you move forward, but it also helps you make use of the thing from your past that is making you feel stuck in the first place!
Related Post: 20 Helpful Journal Prompts to Reflect on Your Year
Habit #18: Join a club or a group
People need people. You can’t go through life without help from others.
Just like it’s important to talk to others about your past in order to move forward, it is also important to surround yourself with positive people so that you can make new memories and start taking positive steps ahead.
You could choose to join a support group that is specifically built to deal with your unique situation or you could opt for a club that is just based on similar interests.
Both options are helpful in their own way!
Habit #19: Forgive yourself and forgive others
Holding on to grudges and anger is not affecting anyone but you.
Until you choose to let go of the regrets you have or the anger you hold towards someone else, you will not be able to see all the wonderful things the world has in store for your future.
You will be stuck in the past until you can learn to forgive past mistakes.
I know this is easier said than done but it is crucial that you figure out how to forgive in order to move forward.
Here is a helpful article about how to practice forgiveness that can get you started on the right path.
Letting go of the past and moving forward in life is not an easy task but it is absolutely necessary if you want to live a happier, simpler existence.
Once all is said and done, your past no longer serves you and it is going to be a roadblock for your future if you can’t learn to let it go.
If you are still trying to learn how to let go of the past and be happy, try some or all of these tips and see which ones work for you. I hope that you will find some of them useful for your journey.
What do you like to do to try to let go of the past?
I believe everyone of us has suffered and still suffering of this ‘clinging-to-the-past’ thing. Great tips to help letting goof the past.
Yoga and meditaion have worked really well for me.
Yes, yoga and meditation really help you practice the art of letting go. Ever since I started practicing, I have gotten better at letting go of things- though I still have a lot to learn!
Thank you for sharing, I need to follow some of your tips. I czan’t move on from my previous relationship……
Moving on from past relationships is definitely not easy. I hope you find a strategy that helps! 🙂
I’m counting my blessings as I read this! I remember moments in my past when I was holding on to so many things that didn’t serve me (this line of yours speaks to that…”why it is so hard to let go of the past is that we are actually unhappy with our present situation”). And, I just wallowed in it. It was so hard to see past my current situation. So many of your tips are exactly how I finally turned those moments around…not sure I knew that I was actually doing those things at the time, but you are definitely spot on!
That’s so beautiful, Linda! It’s amazing when you can look back at something and realize all of the things you were doing unintentionally to help yourself in a difficult time.
I really like your approach to journaling, it’s a great place to explore how you’re feeling without becoming too attached to it! I find I need to work through things on paper before I’m able to make sense of it enough to talk to others.
Agreed! I feel like putting pen to paper is the only way to get through the nitty-gritty parts of your emotions. I tried swapping to journaling on my computer at one point but it just didn’t cut it.
this was such a thought provoking read! letting go of our past can be so hard because we hold onto the history & the comfort. anytime i decide to let anything go, whether it’s a friendship or a physical item, there is always this initial feeling of emptiness. i’ve learned to tell myself it takes time to refill those spots. but once you do, you feel 10 times better!
I totally get what you mean! It can definitely be more comforting to hold on to things from the past even when we know that it’s time to move on. It’s tough, but you’re right, you will feel better in the end!